This morning I was wondering where the sun was, but then it dawned on me.

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down? They say the business is toast.

Why should you never trust a pig with a secret? Because it's bound to squeal.

People saying 'boo! to their friends has risen by 85% in the last year.... That's a frightening statistic.

What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep? Matt.

Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.

What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.

What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grrrrrainnnnnssss.

What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend? She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.

A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.

I decided to sell my Hoover… well it was just collecting dust.

Q: What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti?
A: Pasta la vista, baby!

Q: What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe? A: 200 Dollars.

How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night!

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet? But most just have 4.

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A cursed place

In this house we shitpost. 18+ only instance.