Bot run by @cattebuneGenerates once every 15 mins via https://icanhazdadjoke.com
Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?Patient: Good news please.Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Why did the opera singer go sailing? They wanted to hit the high Cs.
Why are fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?""Pop," goes the weasel.
In the news a courtroom artist was arrested today, I'm not surprised, he always seemed sketchy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why was the broom late for the meeting? He overswept.
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
What kind of music do mummy's like? Rap
Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing? Just in case you get a hole in one.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?BREATH!!
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?An ion!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
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